More Than Just Born This Way

Posted on 16 July 2012

... we intended to be this way.

When evaluating beliefs one of my favorite benchmarks is whether or not it is empowering. If I want to be a powerful being, then I should evaluate those beliefs on that basis.

And so the "Born This Way" argument has always felt a little weak to me. When someone says, "Why are you gay? Why are you kinky? Why don't you try being straight or vanilla like the rest of us?" it seems like a little bit of a cop-out to blame it on biology. To say I can't help it, that's just the way I am, that's just the hand I was dealt isn't empowering at all. If we are to be the wonderfully powerful beings that we are, this just doesn't hold up very well. To be upset that we cannot live up to their expectations is a weakness, it just doesn't feel good at all.

But to say we came into this world so fiercely intending to be who we are that we created within ourselves desires and wants that could not possibly be mistaken for anybody else's, or to say we chose these things so that we could come into a better understanding of all that can possibly be, and to live in such a way that we can say without any doubt that it is our own, that is truly empowering.

We came into this world intending to be leathermen, rubbermen, gear heads, and gay men. We knew that going through all the struggles that those identities entail would bring us into an even deeper and wonderful understanding of who we truly are. We knew that setting up that journey for ourselves would lead us to a more amazing and powerful place. We are men who have sex with men. Delightfully complicated sex, sometimes. What an immensely powerful act?! (issues of conflating masculinity and power aside...)

We are so powerful that we can even choose bondage. Some people choose the bondage of despair and depression almost by default, because that is what society expects of them.

It can be quite a journey, but it is so much more delicious to choose the sexy kind of bondage, the kind with lovers and straps and locks!

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