Analyzing my Fetish

Posted on 17 March 2011

Had a kink-curious friend over recently for a weekend of kink-exploration. Many thanks to all my friends who made him feel welcome! We had a small conversation processing what he experienced with the little play we wound up doing. Thought it might be fun to reflect here what I get out of kink, and how I think about it. The prompts for these were specific questions my friend asked, but hopefully I've made them make sense in this format as well.

The big disclaimer here is of course this all reflects on my experience and how I operate. Everyone has their own tastes, everyone processes their kinks differently, and everyone is wired a little differently. This is certainly not the One True Path.

Usually after a scene I'm in a euphoric state that feels slightly disconnected from consensus reality. In pagan-land (and psychology-land I guess) it's called a liminal state. It takes some time to come down from. The pagans recommend eating or hugging a tree. I usually just sleep, cuddle, or wait it out.

The pain I experience after a scene depends on the pain play that was going on. Ball torture yields sore balls, tit torture yields sore tits, and so on. Usually if my balls are tied off or I've got tit clamps on I'll want them off right after an orgasm. Though I do like to just relax in the bondage after an orgasm.

Additionally, some forms of pain play aren't even erotic for me. Chest punching and flogging are more about what sort of headspace I can get into and what my body can withstand.

That said it's hard for me to stay aroused without some form of bondage and pain play. The orgasm is not necessarily important, but it can be greatly intensified from either the head space or from edging.

I greatly enjoy various forms of cum control. Sometimes after a scene the top will just lock me up in chastity and I don't get to cum for several weeks. It's frustrating, but the frustrating aspect of orgasm denial turns me on. I like the idea of my orgasms being completely controlled by my top.

And some times tops can't even figure out how to get me off, which is fine since I still enjoy the bondage and the pain play. The orgasm isn't necessarily the end goal.

So the two big components for me are relinquishing control, sort of an escapism, and exploring myself. Exploring what limits I can stretch my body to, and exploring with my own consciousness and what sort of mental states I can get into.

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