Not a pain pig, a pain connoisseur

Posted on 13 June 2011

So even after playing around with it for 3 years I'm still not sure I understand the pain I like and the pain I don't like. It doesn't help that the pain I do like is this weird place between the two.

The pains I don't like are people just screwing around at an event. If we're at the bar and you come up an start playing with my nipples I'll probably get pissed at you. I used to just let people do it, but in the last few months I've decided to stop people. I noticed I kept leaving events angry from people just doing shit to me.

Though the asking people to stop playing with your nipples or biting you in public has it's own set of annoyances. Apparently it's hard to overcome that reputation. At one party I wound up launching an unsuspecting puppy-in-a-straitjacket out of my lap in an effort to get away. I also had someone tell me "I don't want it I don't want it I don't want it," isn't a good safeword. Err, sorry, how can I be more clear?

Mildly related note, things like "No means no unless you're hard," and "No safeword" are giant pet peeves of mine. Like hazing fantasies, I understand it gets you hard, but it doesn't really send a good message about how realistic such notions actually are...

So the pains I do like... Contrary to the previous note about just screwing around, sometimes if I'm really into some heavy petting a good bite can be great. And I've got the marks to show it from a particular rapidly-becoming-more-than-friends-puppy. Though I think in general I like pain in more deliberate forms, as part of a controlled scene. Best of all is if I'm restrained.

I'm not 100% sure about this, but I think if I have to hold back my reaction to pain, that equates to me holding it in, bottling it up and internalizing it. Which is less than fun. If I'm tied down and mostly immobile though, I can let it out without having to control myself. The restraints control me, and I can let the cathartic aspects of the pain right out.

So it's weird not liking it sometimes, and liking it other times. And even harder to explain to other people when I don't entirely understand it myself. It doesn't help when you say things like "You're going to have to tie me down if you want to hit my balls like that," and all the other person hears is "You're going to have to tie me down if you want to hit my balls like that."

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