Wherein boys are like onions

Posted on 10 June 2011

“So is that [collar] cause you got a motorcycle? Are you going to join one of those gangs?”

Ugh. Yeah, not going to bother explaining D/s to a cow-orker who's more likely to laugh it off than to try and understand. But I've been thinking about it a little bit lately, and how I handle the D/s relationships I enter into. Especially since I just recently entered into one. Last week I accepted Chicagogear's collar, I could bubble about how awesome the whole thing is, but I'll spare you.

I've been thinking, there's a lot of layers to a D/s relationship. Each one builds on the next, and each one must respect the bounds of the previous layers.

On one level Sir and I have been friends for three years. That's grown over the last couple of months as we've become dumping grounds for each other, of stuff that's bugging us. He's also become part of my decision making process, I wonder what Sir would think about this solution? This is also the level where while we may be close, we also respect that we're individuals. We're not going to try and control the other's finances, and we recognize that we have other relationships in our lives like family and other friends.

The next level is where our kink interests overlap quite well. Sir is into some things I'm not into, like piss play, but I'm willing to indulge him and pee in his mouth anyway. He's not interested in the pain play that I enjoy, but he's more than willing to give my balls a good whack. In this vein, even though he's my Sir, I still dom him and tie him up too every now and then.

And then there's the top level, where I serve Sir and he keeps me in line. I wear his collar, and then probably the most significant part of this is that he keeps me locked up in chastity, something we both enjoy immensely. For the most part though we're very informal. I think most of the orders he's given me so far are to get ice and mix drinks in our rooms at IML. And I'm very happy to serve in that capacity, as I have trouble maintaining role play for any length of time (despite everyone telling me I'm going to become a pup). For the most part though we relate to each other as kinky friends, and he usually winds up tying me a lot more frequently than I tie him.

So that's how I think about the relationship. And I think Sir and I are mostly on the same page here too. It's certainly not as formal as what I've heard and seen in Old Guard relationships, but a lot of kink is throwing out the rules and finding what works and turns you on, right?

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