The Submissive's Dilemma

Posted on 23 December 2011

There seem to be two very common themes in kink-land. Everyone seems to want more frequent play, and the ratio of doms to subs is very much skewed towards the doms. I'm noticing, after being chastity for 8+ months now, which I'm sure is a factor, it's really easy to find bottoms to tie up. I don't really have to extend myself to find opportunities to tie someone up. Those opportunities seem to flow fairly naturally to me, and I think this tends to happen frequently to people that switch like I do.

So it's easy to take this stance that I don't need to seek out domming situations, they simply come to me. The onus is pretty much on the bottom to seek me out. But recently I've been realizing that I also tend to turn around and wonder why people aren't approaching me as frequently about tying me up. So putting the two thoughts together, I suppose I need to be less shy about getting people to tie me up.

I'm not saying this is anything wildly profound, just one of those wonderfully simply realizations. It's also kind of weird too, that it's the submissive that more often than not needs to be the instigator. If you're submissive like I am, you'd like nothing more than to be told when to show up and not having a clue what's going to happen other than knowing that it's going to be a wonderfully hot challenge. And of course such a scene isn't practical until you've found a dom that's intimately familiar with how all your buttons work, not to mention one that has the initiative to put it all together for you.

I'm curious if it's a product of the dom/sub ratio, or some product of how doms and subs interact with each other. Or perhaps it's simply a product of how I interact with people and the circles I travel in. It may be interesting at some point to try and take the attitude that subbing opportunities flow naturally to me, and see what sort of effect that has.

For now however, I shall challenge myself to be less shy about asking for those wonderful subbing opportunities.

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